Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
