My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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