I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
