worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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