This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
