I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
