dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my liver is dry heaving
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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