I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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