does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
