Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
