You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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