i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
