i wish my penis had a tongue
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
