So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
