Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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