Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sober January is a disaster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
