is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
