We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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