morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
