Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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