so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
