One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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