No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize