Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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