I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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