i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
