someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
