I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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