i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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