Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
