You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
