Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
