i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
