I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pooping to opera.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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