I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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