I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
