The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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