I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
