I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
did i walk over a car last night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
