I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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