Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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