puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.