i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.