Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect