I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.