So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!