Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
