Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
