There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
