I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
