Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
