You're my little dorito
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
