I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
