explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have post one night stand depression
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
