my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize