no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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