Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
