I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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