Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
