Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You did what with his pubic hair?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
