U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
