im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
