Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
