I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
