Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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