I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
