my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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