I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
