my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
