she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
