If that was your dad, he is hot
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
