Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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