Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
