I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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