I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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