don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
