So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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