it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize