Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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